But in the moments I am myself, I am more myself. I remember more of what happened. I think in careful steps, leading from the known past into the hazy future, following a route of causation, effect, and implication.
But other times I think only of my loss. I hold my knees against my chest. I look over the wall, the ceiling, the door. I look for the way out.
Memory becomes more pervasive, as a tide rising and filling a hollow in the rocky shore. I can look at what has happened to me.
I remember the beam of light that found me in my bliss. That is the moment that preceded and led to this place.
I had been in the commune some time. I can’t recall how long. The experience of time was so different there. But I know it must have been 21 days. That was the program I set out before entering the commune. I’m sure of that.